Just a few random thoughts this morning:

• Rosie is in preschool today. I keep forgetting to blog about that. I found a preschool for her about two months ago and she goes for a couple hours two days a week. She loves it and literally walked in the door the first day and felt at home. She was SO ready to go. The teacher (whom she loves dearly and says is # 2 after Mama — Daddy is now #3) says that she has NEVER seen a child adapt so quickly to preschool. I am proud, and also glad to have a few hours a week without my extra little appendage (have I ever mentioned that she is literally attached me nearly 24 hours a day??).

• John-Paul has his schedule flipped upside down this week, which also means that today I get a little bit of time that is truly all for me and not revolving around anyone else!!! That is something special.

• running kicked my butt today. I tried to run outside, but the pollen is so thick in the air that Rosie commented that it looks like snow. Ick. I am still coughing. I think there is some stuck in my lungs. I ended up doing some sprint/walk repeats and then heading inside to use the treadmill.

• My son eats a LOT of food. I swear that he ate non-stop on Sunday. You would be literally floored if I told you how much he was eating. And I know it is that he is truly hungry when he takes third and fourth helpings of EVERYTHING, including vegetables. At his seven year check-up the doctor said that if he continues on the same growth pattern that he has been on since age 2, he will be about 6′3″ or 6′4″. That means that in just a few years (four or five tops, I will bet) he will be taller than me. John-Paul pretty much reached his full height in middle school and he is 6′2″.

• Knitting — since I don’t yet feel inspired to cast on the gazillion stitches needed to knit the body of my Hourglass sweater, I decided to go through scrap yarn to make baby gifts for friends. The hat is a bit bigger than I expected, but will still work. The sock… hmmm… I will rip it because it is just way too off in size.

As you know, yesterday was Mother’s Day. I started to write a post, but then decided to step back and take a few deep breaths.

I was in need of an attitude adjustment.

In fact, I have been in need of one for nearly a week.

Last Thursday, I could not find it in me to write a Thankful Thursday post. I announced to John-Paul that I was going to write an “Unthankful Thursday” post. I sounded so serious, that he was surprised when he later went to read my blog and couldn’t find the post!

A lot of little things have been adding up and making me so frustrated.

Then, last week, John-Paul asked me what I wanted to do for Mother’s Day. I said, “I want to go to church together as a family, I want to go to the church breakfast, and I don’t want to make dinner. Or, if I do make dinner, I want everyone to eat it”.

His answer, “Kristina, I just don’t know if I can get up for church. You know I have to work the night before”.

I know this is true. I know it. I know it is hard for him, because he is SO tired. But, for just one day, I wanted things to go MY way, instead of feeling like my life revolves around his job.

I woke up yesterday morning, SO irritated that he wasn’t going to get up. I drove my son to religion class. I thought about going to church without John-Paul after the class was over, but actually started to cry when I thought about how everyone else would be there with their families. I didn’t WANT to do it alone. I wanted to be there as a family. It was Pentecost Sunday, and Mother’s Day, and I just wanted, for once not to have to do something with my kids and feel like a single parent.

Instead, I went home, and proceeded to pout the day away. Oh, the picture of joy I must have been!!

After a lot of pouting, a long discussion with John-Paul (mostly long due to the constant interruptions by children), and a four mile run, and finally got a change of attitude

I know that I HATE his job and I HATE his hours and HATE the impact it has on our family. Yes, hate IS a strong word. I am not proud that I have so much hate for something that he loves so much. What I am less proud of is how MY hate for his job impacts our family. It has been nine years, and we have at least twice that many more to go.* The job is not going anywhere, (and neither am I), so I better learn to deal with it.

Because really, the problem isn’t the job. It is isn’t the hours.

Lots of wives (like my sister-in-law whose husband is in the military) have it much, much harder than I do.

The problem is me.

I have this picture of what I want my life to be like. It is a nice picture. It is the same life that my friends with husbands that have “normal” jobs have. I want that life, and I will NEVER have it.

It doesn’t help that those same friends ask questions like, “why does he work those hours, why does he work SO much”. As though he has a choice. Because he doesn’t.

Or when they say, “so what are you guys doing this weekend”. As though it is actually the weekend for us, which it is not. It is rarely a “weekend” for John-Paul when it is a weekend for everyone else. And often, on his weekends he just wants to rest and recover from work.

(Incidentally, when I met John-Paul, I told him that I would NEVER, EVER marry someone that does what he does… of course, he didn’t get the job until five years later… but still, the irony often amuses me.)

So, I got my much-needed attitude adjustment. Now, I just need to work on the rest. I think that once this month is over, it will get a LOT easier. His schedule has been a mess for the past three months, and it has definitely taken it’s toll on me.

I leave you with one of my favorite quotes (and probably the only verse I have ever memorized from the Bible):

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope. Jeremiah 29:11

I often think of this quote when I start to realize that I am fighting and fighting (with no possibility of succeeding) to make my life something that it can not ever be. It is hard for me, as someone who likes to be in control of her life, to accept that there are some things I can not change, and some things, that I should not change.

*edited:  I realize that sentence sounds like I have some sort of idea that our marriage will last 27 years.  What I meant is that he has had his job for nearly 9 years and will be in it for nearly 18 more.   As for our marriage, it has been nearly 11 years, and I am hoping for at least 50 years more!!

I finished my Nutkins this weekend, and it feels so good to have a finished knit project! I think I had almost forgotten what it feels like!!

The details (also found HERE on Ravelry):

Pattern: Nutkin
Size: to fit my size 10.5/11-ish feet :)
Yarn: Ellen’s Half Pint Farm, (80% wool, 20% Nylon),fingering weight, 500 yards/ skein
Amount of yarn: less than one skein
Needles: US size 2 (2.75mm) dpn
Started/Finished: April 29/May 10, 2008
Recipient: me!!

I bought this yarn a year and a half ago at Rhinebeck, and have gone back and forth many times on whether I like these colors together. In the end, I think I found a pattern that works well with the colors, and I am very, very happy with how they came out.

This is a very simple pattern. I memorized it by the end of the first repeat, and found I could bring it anywhere and work on it with just about any distraction (thus they were a very quick knit!). You have no idea how much I wish all knitting were that versatile.

The only change I made to these socks was to use US size 2 needles (2.75mm). The pattern calls for 2.5mm, which I do not happen to have. But, for me, sizing up a touch was okay, since my feet are wider than average (to go along with the fact that they are longer than average…). Other than that, I pretty much followed the pattern.

And, I do so love this pattern. It is very similar to the Monkey pattern (which I did last year as an exchange with Holly Jo and have yet to blog about… shame on me!). I am hoping to join in on the Sockapaloooooza fun this summer, and these are both patterns that I would happily knit again for that.

BTW… notice the hammock in the picture? I have been trying hard to take time to sit and relax. But, from speed in which I knit these socks, I am thinking that perhaps I have been relaxing too much lately!?

I don’t know where my brain is today, (because I am typically a VERY organized person), but I totally, absolutely, 100% forgot that today is my husband’s day off.

I was being a tad grumpy (honestly, just a tad, and probably because I was ready for him to have a day off), and he said, “I wish you would stop being so grumpy.  Look at the bright side… I am home tonight”.

I looked at him and said, “no, you’re not.  You are working tonight”.

JP:  “No, I am home”.  It’s my day off.  I am home.”

Me:  “No, you are off tomorrow and Friday.  I know these things.”

JP:  (looking at me like I am totally off my rocker) “I AM off today.  Would you rather I went to work?”.

ahhh!!!  It is so rare that 1) I am wrong and he is right* and 2) I am so completely unaware of days and what is going on.

Is it possible I turned 62 last month and not 32?  Maybe I need more sleep.

*not that I am keeping track or anything… because truly marriage is NOT about who is right or wrong, but even John-Paul will admit that I am rarely wrong about anything.  It can be quite irritating at times, because he always assumes that I know everything, as though I am the internet, or something!!  Maybe now that I am been so appallingly wrong about something, he will realize that I am human, and not an encyclopedia.  :)

I finished my first Nutkin last night. I love, love, love it. I could dance around in my little Nutkin. In fact, I may have. :)

What do you think?

Pretty, right? I am already 12 rounds into its mate, and hope to finish by the weekend!!!

I have been knitting a bit lately. (finally).

I finished both sleeves of my Hourglass Sweater last week (modeled by Rosie).

I made many, many changes to the sleeves. They were just way too wide, for my taste. I am including my updates at the bottom of this post, for future reference and anyone else who is interested.

After I finished the second sleeve, I decided to hold off on the body and knit a sock. I really need to sit down and work out the math for the body. (because I am not an hourglass shape… more like a narrowish pear, maybe).

Holly Jo is currently knitting a pair of Nutkins, and since I am such a copycat, I thought I would follow suit and cast on, as well.

I really love this pattern. It is easy to memorize and I knit four repeats the other night while watching a movie (Knocked Up — and I don’t recommend it, unless you actually enjoy foul language being thrown around like there is no tomorrow). Then, tonight, something happened, and I just FLEW through my knitting. I am currently halfway through the foot! I expect to be able to show you a finished sock by Tuesday morning.

————————-

Hourglass Sweater sleeve notes:

(on size 7 dpns)

1. cast on 46 stitches. join and knit 5 rounds
2. purl one round
3. knit 5 rounds then knit up cast on edge
4. knit 5 more rounds
5. decrease:
   • decrease 2 stitches (44)
   • knit 3 rounds
   • decrease 2 stitches (42)
6. knit 34 rounds even
7. increase:
   • increase 2 stitches (44)
   • knit 6 rows even
   • increase 2 stitches (46)
   • knit 6 rows even
   • increase 2 stitches (48)
   • knit 6 rows even
   • increase 2 stitches (50)
   • knit 12 rows even
   • increase 2 stitches (52)
   • knit 6 rows even
   • increase 2 stitches (54)
   • knit 13 rows even
   • increase 2 stitches (56)
   • knit 34 rows

My baby turned seven today. Seven. It happened waaay too fast. (but I swear to you, I never, ever want to go back to his baby days!).

Seven years and five days ago (my due date), this is what he looked like:

Seven years ago today, he looked like this:

On the day we came home from hospital (John-Paul looks so young here!!!):

At three months:

7 months:

a year and a half:

Two and a half:

three and a half (he is so happy because his baby sister had just been born!)

a few days later at home with his new sister (see how much older — in a good way! — John-Paul looks in just three and half years? Don’t you just hate how men just get better with age? Also, that is the only time, ever that he has grown that much facial hair. He was off from work and just didn’t bother to shave. It’s scruffy, and makes him look a bit edgier than his normal conservative self. Also, note the tired, “there’s a new baby in the house” look in his eyes. But enough about my dear husband…).

his fifth birthday:

Six years old (with Rosie):

a few weeks ago (with three teeth missing on top!)

and today…

I feel so proud of the incredible little boy he has become and am SO excited to meet the person that he will be. But… today, for just a little while, I feel sad that he is growing up so fast.

I just discovered that the “favorites” feature in Ravelry is much more extensive than I thought. You can “favorite” yarn, patterns, designers, yarn brands, forum posts, clipped ads (what’s that??), and news. And, of course, projects, which is what I have always favorited.

Now, I should probably turn off the computer, before I get sucked in and obsessed with favoriting everthing under the sun.

And, I have a knitting update post to get ready for you.

:)

The winners of my Bloggy Giveaway are:

• Dawn from Three of a kind

• Bren J. from Stranger in a Stranger Land

Dawn and Bren — you have each won a tube of Tom’s of Maine Silly Strawberry Toothpaste. I will be contacting you for your mailing info.

Thanks to everyone who played!

I know that I promised both running and knitting in this post, but you will have to wait a day or so for the knitting portion. The running was just waaaay too good to smoosh into a combo-post.

I am going to go on record right here as saying that my iPod was the best thing that I ever didn’t pay for. It has done more for my running than I ever imagined. I think I am just someone that needs constant feedback (like every ten seconds or so, when I am really feeling like the running is killing me!). I truly do love it.

When I got the iPod and Nike+ attachment a few weeks ago, I could barely run outside. Seriously, it was killing me. Even with using my inhaler, I would cough for 45 minutes after running a mile. And just running a mile was agony.

I was feeling pretty low about my running. I had come so far last year, and then it was just gone.

Or so I thought.

I worked, and worked, worked.

Then, today:

Look!!! I ran 6 miles today! And I truly ran them… no walking. It may have been a slow pace at times, but I did it. In 56:26!!

I have also logged some personal bests this past week:

• I ran my longest distance outside (6 miles). I had never even run more than 3 miles outside before today. :)
• I ran my fastest outside 1 mile in 8:28 (my fastest treadmill time is 7:32)
• I ran 5K outside in 29:01

If you are interested in viewing my running data, you can see it on the Nike website here.

It was really important to me to be able to run 6 miles this weekend, because a friend has asked me to run a 10K with her next Sunday. Now, I actually believe that I can pull it off.

ps: does anyone have a suggestion for a power song (I can push a button to have my power song play when I feel I need a burst of energy). If you look at my chart, you can see that my speed increased each time I played my power song. I am currently using a free song that I got someplace, but I could really use something that revs me up a bit more.

pps: note that not all my runs are on the nike+ site. I deleted some from when I was trying out the nike+ features, and my calibration runs are not listed.